you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
