i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
