I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
