she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
