she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
