um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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