hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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