they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize