lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
