Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
