he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
