All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
