I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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