So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
