I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
