I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
