Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
