how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My penis needs a shock collar
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
