All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
