woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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