guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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