I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
