Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
