I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well you can't waste a boner
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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