Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
