You smell like stripper and shame
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
