I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
