she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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