WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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