I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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