When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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