But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
