I looked at my own cervix.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
