Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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