Im at strip club and am horny
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
