Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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