I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
