The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
