What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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