I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
