If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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