apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
