I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
