from now on my penis is your penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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