when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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