3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I just sharted jello shots
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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