he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
