Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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