You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
