You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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