Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
