Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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