I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
