As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
