well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
