Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
