I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
