Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
