chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize