I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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