i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
