Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
