Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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