just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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